just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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