this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
