I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
