okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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