Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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