he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
