yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
