If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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