I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
