The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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