you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
