Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
