How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
