It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
