At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
