Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
