It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
