Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
