there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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