I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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