ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
