just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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