My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize