worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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