i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
