I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
