All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
