god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
