I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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