I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
