No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
