i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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