I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
