Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
