no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
