Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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