Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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