I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
