just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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