dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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