like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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