HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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