Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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