i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
