We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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