I want to walk on stilts...naked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
