I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
