just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
