im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
