You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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