If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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