she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
