dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
