Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
