So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
