the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
