physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
