you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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