U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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