I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
