Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
