Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
