I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
