I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
