omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
