If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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