Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
