i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
