everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
