I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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