How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
