Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
