My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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